A longed for encounter
by Laisa
Summary: A conversation between Winston Smith and Emmanuel Goldstein assuming that they had ever met. It was written for a book report in school and my English teacher corrected it, so blame her for any mistakes left


Winston followed the woman through a long hallway, passing various doors, all fast shut. There were small lamps embedded in the ceiling at regular intervals which dispersed a dim light creating a quiet and peaceful atmosphere. On the wall there were paintings of men and women which all had small golden signs with their name, birth and death dates on them at the bottom of their frames. He looked at them mesmerized and almost knocked over the woman as she stopped in front of the penultimate door. She gave him a dismissive look, said nothing, however, and opened the door.

'Mr. Goldstein awaits you.'

Winston stepped over the sill and entered the room. It seemed to be a kind of bureau because there was a big desk out of dark wood with a black leather chair behind it. On the wall there were shelves full of books which looked ancient and very precious. Across the room there was a bank of windows against which the silhouette of a broad-shouldered man stood out.

'Good evening Mr. Smith. How nice you have found the time to come here.'

'M-M-Mister G-G-Goldstein, is that really you?'

The man turned away from the windowpane and came walking around the desk.

'Sure I am. Whom did you expect to be here in my personal study? Big Brother?' A dry laugh emerged from his mouth.

'No, certainly not. I just can't believe it. I heard so much about you but no one knows if you really exist or if you have already died.'

'Well no, I have not died but sometimes I wish I had.' His face adopted a sorrowful expression.

'How can you say that? You are the only hope people like me have out there between the fangs of the party. If I hadn't known the stories about the Brotherhood I'd surely have resigned and become a dull protectionist of the party.'

'Don't you tell me about hope. I had hope once upon a time. When you work on overthrowing a system for so long, however, you have to give up on some of your dreams sooner or later because you know that they will never become reality. I wish I could tell you something better but I think you should stop hoping too much. Try to live your life as best as you can, don't annoy the party and never lose your own thoughts. They are the only thing you have in that damn society of control.'

Winston felt tears of anger slipping from the corner of his eyes.

'I would never have imagined hearing you talk like that. You, the great Emmanuel Goldstein, abhorred by the party, adored by so many people who don't want to be suppressed anymore, you just tell me to give up my dreams!' His voice grew louder and louder the longer he talked. 'I put all my hope, all my work in the Brotherhood, in your organization, to be redeemed one day and you tell me to stop all this? Then what is the reason I'm here for? Why did you invite me? Did you only want to kick me even if I'm already lying on the ground? Tell me! Why am I here?'

Goldstein lowered his head and took a deep breath. Then he began to talk in a surprisingly calm voice. 'I asked you to come here for a certain reason. I heard about your efforts for the Brotherhood which, by the way, still works against the system, and I just wanted to tell you some important facts about life in the service of a revolutionary organization. There are a lot of things you have to set aside, for example close relationships to other people. They are just too dangerous.

I want you to know two things. The first is that your life will be lonesome. The second is that you can be sure not to reach your goal in your own life-span. What you do, you do for the next generation or maybe even the one after that.'

Contemplative crinkles appeared on Winston's forehead. 'Are you saying I would have to leave Julia?'

'There is no other possibility if you really want to achieve a change.'

'But I can't simply live as if nothing had happened and sneak out of my responsibility as a man who has discovered the mistakes of our system!'

'That is solely your decision now. I think you'd better go. I have told you everything I wanted to tell you. Only you know how to continue now. Decide prudently.' With these words he went to the door and left the room. Winston ran after him but as he came to the corridor he found it abandoned. As he stepped forward the woman who had led him in appeared from one of the doors. 'I'll show you the way out.', she said and walked down the hallway. Winston followed her the second time that day and left the house silently as they arrived at the door.

He had to make the decision of his life.


End file.
